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Not all men are same

by Syeda Nayyaraiin Batool Rizvi
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syeda nayyarain batool

I often wonder if the negative perception of almost all men stems from the actions of a small number of conservative and promiscuous individuals, especially when I witness feminists protesting for their rights in the streets. Have those who support these demonstrations ever considered the feelings of men, especially those who exemplify true gentlemanly behavior? Are we treating these men justly?

Let’s be honest. Not all men are the same, just as not all women fit into one mold. In my view, just as it is crucial to avoid generalizations about women, the same principle should apply to men as well.

Likewise, when discussing men’s rights and responsibilities, we should also consider women’s duties and responsibilities towards men. Do all women genuinely uphold men’s rights? In my opinion, it is essential to evaluate our own conduct before reminding others of their obligations.

Furthermore, isn’t stereotyping all men based on the actions or traits of a few both unfair and inaccurate? What about those who embody true gentlemanly qualities? What about your fathers or brothers? Do they not defy the notion of “All Men Are the Same”?

We rarely ponder these questions because we have fallen into the belief that a strong man doesn’t exhibit traits like crying, openly expressing his emotions, or acknowledging his vulnerabilities. Unfortunately, this departure from our values is distancing us from our religion, which clearly states that men are superior to women.

Firstly, I will express my thoughts with references from the Quran and Hadith, so as to understand the status and position of a man. Later, I will delve into the main theme of my topic, “Not All Men Are the Same.”

The husband has the ultimate authority in managing the household as he is responsible and accountable for its maintenance and all initiatives. This authority should be exercised with justice, patience, and wisdom.

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means.” [An-Nisa 4:34]

Men are generally physically stronger and more rational, while women are often more delicate and impulsive. These attributes are bestowed by Allah to fulfill their respective roles in life.

It is obligatory for a woman to follow her husband’s guidance, provided it does not conflict with Allah’s commands.

Once, Hazrat Ayesha (R.A.) asked Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H), “Who has the most rights over women?”

He replied: “Her husband.”

She asked again: “Who has the most rights over women?”

He replied: “Her husband.”

Then she asked: “Who has the most rights over a man?”

The Prophet (P.B.U.H) replied: “His mother.”

[Al-Hakeem: 7244]

This clearly indicates that a woman is obligated to obey her husband.

It is disheartening to combat injustice with more injustice. Just as it is reasonable to believe that not every man is a sexist, it is equally true that not every white person is a racist.

In the same way that demonizing white people won’t eradicate racism, hating men or vilifying them won’t enhance respect for women. True equality lies in respecting everyone rather than making sweeping generalizations. We often fail to consider the reasons behind someone’s bad behavior or actions.

In my perspective, instead of eradicating evil from society, we struggle with how to eliminate bad individuals. Achieving this is possible only by assisting them in overcoming the evil within themselves. I frequently encounter a focus on the negative stories of wrongdoing to the point where we question, “Are there any good men left in this world?” This topic is often discussed among girls today.

However, I’d like to emphasize that the majority of Muslim men understand their roles well. They exhibit kindness to those around them. If they are fathers, they show mercy and love; as brothers, they protect and care for their sisters; as husbands, they are devoted to their wives. Even most male colleagues recognize their boundaries. I am not denying the presence of negative individuals, but I aim to emphasize that it’s irrational to label the entire male community as “bad” based on these exceptions.

Consider this analogy: When a part of our body suffers from a chronic illness like cancer, we remove that problematic part without condemning the entire body. Similarly, we must address problematic men rather than condemning all men.

We must recognize that the “ideal person” we envision is a societal construct. The problem with this perspective is that these ideals foster unrealistic expectations. “NONE OF US IS PERFECT”: humanity is a mix of good and bad, susceptible to sin.

Let us not forget that our own shortcomings are overlooked too. To foster this mindset, we must begin with ourselves. Both men and women should strive for self-improvement. Additionally, pay heed to the upbringing of your children. Mothers should nurture their sons to be gentlemen, as a man’s first school is his mother’s lap. Similarly, young girls should hone their qualities, as they are the mothers of the future. In conclusion, let us respect, support, and inspire our men, creating a harmonious and dignified environment for all.

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1 comment

Rasikh Zubair August 12, 2023 - 2:53 pm

A very intellectual and great point of view.


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